Here are 3 problems you’ve told me you’re struggling with, and my solutions.
Confidence Problem 1.
‘I wish I could make a difference.’
You’re sitting down quietly thinking about your life.make a difference,
Thoughts wander through your mind like -
- ‘What’s the point?’
- ‘If only I’d finished that degree’
- ‘Why didn’t I take that chance to do some volunteering?’
- ‘No-one will remember me when I’m gone…’
- ‘I wish I could have made a difference…’
We all do it. We all dwell on the things we didn’t do, rather than give ourselves a pat on the back for what we did.
But… it doesn’t have to be that way.
Next time you’re in a shopping mall. find a seat and watch for a while. Look out for the people who you think might have ‘made a difference’. Can you spot them? Have they got a sign on their forehead? Are they wearing a halo?
But I guarantee they have all ‘made a difference’. Yes! All of them! They may not be famous, in the news or up for a ‘Making a Difference ‘Award, but there will be someone out there whose life was enhanced by each of them.
And it’s the same with you. If you’re honest I know you can come up with at least 5 people who will say you’ve made a difference to them.
Confidence Problem 2.
‘I’ll never be good enough.’
You’re learning a new skill. In my case it was writing. I listened to the others read out their work to the class and I shrank into my seat. I knew I’d never be good enough. Well, I knew I’d never be as good as them.
- because they were more qualified than me,
- because they were already planning their novel,
- because they had natural writing ability.
For goodness sake!
Were they born ready to write? Did they just ‘do it’ with no help? Of course not. Who knows? They may even have thought they’d never be as good as me! (yeah, right…)
I’m sure it’s true that we all compare ourselves with others. At school, at work, in our social life. It’s natural I suppose, and sometimes it helps us to make more of an effort. But it’s more serious when, whatever we attempt, we convince ourselves that we’re not good enough, we simply ‘ain’t gonna make it’. (As someone once told my lovely, talented son…)
We believe it because our parents, teachers, family have instilled the idea in us until it becomes the norm. They put us down, say we’ll never make it, tell us there’s no point in ‘going for it’. And… guess what? We come to believe them.
We daren’t try because
- it’ll all end in tears,
- we’re bound to fail,
- we’ll be made fun of,
- it’s out of our reach,
- ‘we’re just not good enough’.
It’s vital to tell yourself that we all start from scratch.
There is no reason, apart from lack of motivation, realistic expectations and hard work, for you not to be ‘good enough’.
So long as you -
- put in the hours,
- ask for help,
- learn from those who’ve been there,
- ignore your inner negative voice,
- are realistic about what you’re aiming for,
Confidence Problem 3
‘I want to start saying ‘No’ for a change.’
Here’s what happens -
There’s a knock at the door. It’s your neighbour. Normally you get on very well but you’ve decided to have a day to yourself for a change. Or rather, you thought that’s what you’d decided.
‘Fancy a coffee and a chat?’ she smiles, expectantly.
You waver. You want to say ‘No’ politely of course. But…
It’s not easy saying ‘no’. We all want to be liked, and saying ‘Yes’ makes us popular (or so we think.)
But… it doesn’t have to be that way…
Every day, tell yourself that ‘you matter’ just as much as everyone else.
If you rush around saying yes to everything you’re asked to do, all that happens is, you get stressed. I read that ‘stress is the result of over-promising’ and that makes sense to me.
‘Saying No’ is all about finding the right balance in your life. Your gut feeling will tell you whether to say it or not, and if you feel relieved afterwards you’ll gain the confidence to say ‘No’ more often.
Listen to others. Do they say yes all the time? If you ask them for a favour and they say ‘No’ politely, do you think the worst of them?
It’s OK to say ‘No’. Trust me…
In the comments -
- Tell me about a Life Limiting Problem that you’re struggling with and I’ll try to solve it for you.