So you’re a doormat.
But you don’t have to be! There are ways out! Here’s what 3 doormats did…
Today’s Guest Post follows on from my post,
This illuminating trio of stories by my blogging friend Brankica Underwood, shows us how it’s possible to stop being a doormat.
Over to Brankica…
This is not a regular post about blogging that I write most of the time.
This is something from the heart.
The other day I read Linda’s post about being a doormat and it reminded me of another me, the previous me, the ex person that lived in my body. I know so many gals that are being doormats and don’t know how to change it. But there are ways to do it and I think there is no time like today to start working on it.
I have three totally different but perfect examples for you.
I was a good kid so everyone expected me to be good all the time. I liked being liked and just did what everyone expected of me. I never wanted to cause trouble for anyone. So I just went with the flow. Did what everyone expects a nice lady to do.
But there is a limit in all of us…
1. The bank.
One day, I go to the bank and I realize I have an account I am not using and it would be just smart to close it.
I told the clerk what I wanted to do and she told me -she cannot give me the money from that account and that I will have to go to the office where I opened it (note, this is the same bank, just a different branch). I asked her why no one told me that when I was opening the account, considering it is really out of my way to go to that office. Her response was along the lines, someone should have told me but that is not her problem.
This wasn’t the first time I had a problem with this bank. But this was the first time I decided to stop being a doormat. I tried reasoning with her and ended up being really mean until I got a supervisor and guess what… they magically came up with the solution: they closed the account like I asked them to do in the first place.
- All those services you deal with on a daily basis forget that you give them business.
- If it wasn’t for you, there would be no need for them.
- The bank doesn’t pay me my salary! I am doing them a favor of keeping my money there, so they can invest and multiply it.
- Same goes for any service out there! Cable provider, cell phone service, your maid if you have one. If you are paying them, guess who is working for whom there…
- Stop letting the bank clerk bully you.
- Stop crying after you come back from the hairdresser because she didn’t do what you told her to do.
2. The Job.
I wanted to be a cop all my life. I wanted to be the first gal in a man-only special police unit. And I did it. And then, I had to work twice as hard as the men so they would not think of me as worse than them.
However, no matter how hard I worked, they always had something extra for me. If I was having a day off and there was an emergency, they called me to work and not one of the guys.
Why? Because the guy would tell them he can’t make it. So I worked Christmases, birthdays, any holiday that was important to me. For years I had to report for emergency duty.
Until one day…
I worked the whole night for 12 hours.
At 7 AM I finally went home, crashed in bed and was falling a sleep when my phone rang. My boss needed me urgently. I went back to work to realize that… they need someone to type a document on a computer!!! They had a building full of secretaries, they are all working cause it is working hours time and they call me after a whole night! If it had been another emergency, I wouldn’t have said a word. But this!?
I realized I am just a doormat for them. Just that girl who will always be there to say “yes, sir”.
But… for the second time I found the strength to say NO. And I said it loud enough. In front of everyone, when no one was expecting me to say a word, I stood up in a meeting and said:
“I know how much I am bringing to the table here, but it doesn’t seem to be enough for you. I am not available for extra hours anymore, unless a real situation is happening and we all know what that means.”
They never took a day off from me, they never called me for stupid reasons anymore… and by the way, I was promoted a few weeks later and I was in a much better position than all of them after that.
- Everything has its limits.
- There are things that are not right and you still put up with them.
- The System may allow it but not forever.
- There is always a way out.
- Sometimes you need to be tough, mean and icy.
- Slam people with the truth. Tell them what everyone is thinking but no one has the courage to say.
- Sometimes, all you need to do is say it out loud.
3. The boyfriend
This is not my doormat story but you need to hear it.
I had a friend, a love-couple friends actually. They were dating for years and I loved them both. After several years, she finally opened up to me and told me how abusive he is. She showed me photos. She told me stories.
I wanted to cry… I was going to help her. Hey, I am a cop, I will handle it.
She said no, “As soon as he is out he will kill me”. Those were her words. I tried everything, but she just stayed with him putting up with terrible things. I told her I can’t help her unless she wants to help herself. Five long years it lasted.
one day she decided to stop being a doormat! We made a plan. The easiest way out – make her disappear. Which was hard where we lived. He knew everyone.
The day came. We destroyed her phone, reported all her documents as stolen (he kept her passport in a safe) so we can get new ones, found a person to transport her out of country, deleted her existence.
He knew I had something to do with it but he could not hurt me. He sent people looking for her. Tracked her friends. Called her parents and threatened. But not even they knew where she was at the time.
It lasted for months. After threatening to find her and kill her, he begged to see her and then threatened to kill himself. She almost came back. I did everything to stop her and succeeded in it.
She is free now.
He knows where she is but we made sure he won’t try anything again. He has another girl now, a new doormat. I really feel sorry for her.
Some doormats don’t want to stop being doormats.
She had the luck to realize that it was enough. Better late than never.
How many of you will forever be one of those quiet people that put up with everything?
Learn from other people’s mistakes.
Stand up for yourself, or if you don’t know how to do it – run away!
I can give you 33 more examples, but I don’t want you to sit here and read all day. I want you to think of a situation when you were treated bad and came out of it as a winner. Remember the feeling?
Now do it again with whatever is bothering you at the moment!
Bottom line, as far as Miss Nice Gal (me) goes: I was recently included in a blog post named
“7 phenomenal bloggers that don’t care if you like them” and I was the only female in it.
Who is the doormat now?
And, why not…