Can you spot the ‘Confident Ones’?
Even before they speak?
Next time you’re shopping and it’s warm enough, find a seat and simply watch.
What will you be looking at?
- Their clothes?
- Their hair?
- The way they walk?
- Do they look at the ground all the time?
- Do they stride along?
Do you think it’s possible to spot a Confident Person simply by looking at their appearance?
What does Self Confidence mean to you?
One of my regular ‘Spinners’ has asked me to write about what Self Confidence is, in simple terms.
She’d like to be more Self-Confident but she needs to know exactly what she means. Unless she knows that, she can’t aim to find it.
It will mean something different to everyone but in general terms, here is my list.
Self Confidence means -
1. You speak up for yourself.
- You don’t agree with someone just because it’s easier.
- You stand your ground in an argument and keep calm.
- You’re happy to introduce yourself to a stranger at a party.
Two of my clients said this -
‘I’d love to lose my shyness. I was called ‘dormouse’ at school and I’m still very shy.’
‘I’m shy but I do enjoy the social contact of working.’
2. You have a role in life and enjoy it.
- Are you drifting from day to day, never feeling you’re significant?
- Are you clear about what you want to achieve in the next day/week/month/ year?
- Are you lost?
My clients have said this -
‘I have no role as a daughter now my mum has died, or as a parent as my children are independent now. I don’t know where I fit anymore.’
”People say I should be working. But I’m not sure. I need to sort out what I’m good at becuase I’m not sure of that either.’
3. You are happy in your own company.
- You don’t mind spending days by yourself because you know what pleases you.
- You appreciate the difference between loneliness and solitude.
- You would be comfortable going on holiday by yourself, if only for a few days.
A client said this -
‘I know I spend too much time on Facebook. It’s like an addiction because it helps me to feel less lonely.‘
4. You don’t allow anyone to control you.
- When your elderly mother dictates to you how you should do things you stand up to her firmly but kindly.
- When your OH tries to tell you how to dress, who to see, how to behave you don’t put up with it.
- When your child has a tantrum you learn how to deal with it, even when they are no longer a child!
Two clients said this -
‘I want to be consistent with my children but the trouble is I can’t keep it up.’
‘I need to stand up for myself but it’s so hard.’
5. You listen to your instincts when making decisions.
- You learn to know what’s ‘right’ for you eg jobs, friendships, new opportunities.
- You are not persuaded to change your mind unless your instincts tell you it’s OK.
- You look for new challenges, projects, ideas.
Some of my clients said this -
‘My problem is I always give in, just like my mum did with my dad and I hate it.’
‘I dither and dither. I always feel a failure.‘
I hope my list gives you a clearer idea of what it means to be Self Confident.
Have you lost your confidence?
Do you know why?
I’ll be writing about that very soon.
Over to you.
In the comments -
- Please share with us ONE sentence that defines Self Confidence for you.
- Is there a particular area where you lack Confidence, that you’d like me to write about?
Please Share this post if you found it helpful.
Post image by CATeyes on Flickr.