After my post about Approval Seeking, Andrew left this comment:
‘… when I was younger, I really craved approval due to low self-confidence.
I just thought that I didn’t measure up to other people, so any approval would give my ego a boost.
Now that I’m older and wiser, I need approval far less… I’m still human, so some approval is still needed, which isn’t a bad thing.’
Andrew’s comment (do pop over to read his blog) started me thinking some more about what’s behind the whole approval issue and here’s what I came up with.
You’ll Never Be Good Enough -
1. – to find the job you want.
you decide on the right job for you.
I wrote about finding the right job in this post, Do take a look at Marita’s comment. It’s so wise. She’s an extraordinary writer. Give yourself a treat and take a look at her blog.
Once you’re on the trail of the job you really, really want to do, you’ll immediately feel better and, yes, good enough. Your self esteem will soar, simply knowing you’re making every effort you can to secure an interview, prepare for it and try your best.
2. – to be a parent.
You accept that no-one (and I mean no-one) believes they’re a good enough parent.
All new parents start with no experience of parenthood, other than their own. Your parents may have been firm, easy going, easy to talk to, happy to spend time with you, harsh with punishments, slow to praise – the list is endless. You can choose to do as they did, or not, whatever feels OK for you.
Everyone has the same chance to try to do the best they can for their child. There’s no instruction manual, you sometines have to make it up as you go along, but the fact remains -
You do the best you know how to do. You are a good enough parent.
3. – to get any qualifications.
- you’re prepared to do whatever it takes. End of.
Once you’re sure you’ve chosen the right area of study, something you’re passionate about, a subject you’re totally motivated to study, you won’t find it hard to commit to putting in the hours.
Trust me! It will almost be a pleasure to study!
- - you’re not afraid to change course if it doesn’t measure up.
I get very upset when I hear of students who are too scared to leave uni, college, school when they realise the course is not right for them. They think it means they’re ‘not good enough’ . What chance do they stand of passing the course when they hate it?
It shows great confidence to come out and say, ‘This course is not for me’, but their self-esteem will take a nose dive if they struggle on.
And they won’t pass the course.
4. - you set realistic goals for yourself.
- You don’t bite off more than you can chew.
- You follow your instincts.
You must set your goal, large or small, knowing that, with every effort, you can achieve it. It might be a long term goal like learning the guitar, learning to ski, or short term like spending more time with your grand parents, writing more friendly emails.
Whatever your goal is, you are doomed to fail if it’s unrealistic. And then, once again, you will feel ‘you’re not good enough.’ But it’s not true… you are, just not for this particular goal.
Here’s the deal -
You’ll never be good enough unless-
- You start from where and who you are,
- You accept that you have weaknesses as well as strengths,
- Use your strengths,
- Find support if you need it,
- Stop apologising for yourself – ‘I know you’ll think I’m silly but…’ etc..
- Start believing in your abilities,
- Learn to deal with criticism in a positive way – sometimes it can help!
In his book, ‘Self Confidence’, Paul McGee said this:self
‘Self-confidence is not the absence of self-doubt. It’s being able to live with self-doubt as your companion but not as your master.’
In the comments, tell us -
- In what areas of your life have you felt ‘not good enough’?
- As you get older does it get easier to have self-belief?
- What advice would you give to your younger self when you thought you weren’t ‘good enough’?
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