Is this you?
‘Why on earth do I think I can be a successful writer/doctor/parent/blogger/grandma/good friend/… (add your own here…)
‘I’ll never be as good as…’
‘I can’t wear that, I’ll just look silly.’
When I was a student I always worried about success. Would I be a good teacher? Would I enjoy it?
As I got older I worried about whether I could be a good parent. And then I used to worry about whether I can be a good grandparent.
Until I learned to be brutally honest with myself.
This is what I do:
I ask myself these questions.
- Is there anyone out there who never doubts their abilities? If there is, that person must be very arrogant and self opinionated. And deluded.
- How do I expect to become a ‘good’ anything without real effort on my part? Anything worth achieving takes time. And anyone who thinks they can just jump in to the ‘successful’ chair is again, arrogant, self opinionated and deluded.
- Am I so full of my importance that I actually believe everyone is judging my performance?
Thinking about these questions made me feel a whole lot better.
The phrase ‘being brutally honest’ sounds harsh.
It gives the impression of negativity. It seems to say that when we face up to who we are, we won’t like what we see.
I guess it depends on what we want to be brutally honest about…
I am writing this post in response to a Google search for this topic by one of my readers. I hope it helps!
I shall consider these 3 issues.
- Skills and strengths
- Hopes and dreams
Just let me know if you have other ‘brutally honest’ areas you’d like me to consider.
1. How To Be brutally Honest About Your Skills and Strengths.
- First let me say that I don’t believe you when you say you don’t have any. I suggest you make a list of all the ‘skills’ your friends and family tell you that you have, eg patience, sense of humour, personal organisation.
Can you list at least 10?
- Are there some ways you could use these better? Is your present job/occupation/role using all your strengths? Can you honestly say that you’re happy and fulfilled in how you spend your time? What’s your real passion in life? What do you enjoy more than anything? (No, stuffing on chocolate does NOT count…)
- Instead of feeling ‘not good enough’, can you focus on using what you can do, rather than fretting about what you can’t?
2. How To Be Brutally Honest about Your Feelings.
This is so hard. I imagine everyone finds it hard. But sometimes we must try.
Here are my suggestions -
- What does your gut feeling tell you? If you’re unsure about how you feel, your gut feeling always comes to your rescue.
- Are you happy in this job/relationship/friendship/role? You need to ‘feel it’ … and you’ll find the answer is there. It’s your ‘inner’ you showing you the answer.
- Pretend you’re talking to yourself. (In private, I hasten to add. I find answers while I’m driving sometimes.) Ask yourself, ‘What do I want to do? What do I want to happen? What do I want to change? Pause for a while and then be brutally honest with your answers. Listen to those answers. Even write them down if that’s your way. Or record yourself on your phone or on a dictaphone. It’s OK! Only you will hear what your answers are.
3. How To be Brutally Honest About Your Hopes And Dreams.
- Make sure they are your hopes and dreams and not what someone else has dictated.
- Are they simply dreams, or are they achievable in real life?
- Are you focusing too much on future fantasies rather than living in your present?
- Whatever your hopes and dreams are, sometimes you have to be realistic. If you’re confident you can achieve them, make a plan to do it. Work out what the steps are and take one today, however small it might seem. It’s a start. And that’s important.
Do you have something to add?
Tell us in the comments,
- What issues have you had to be brutally honest about?
- How did you do it?
- What was the result?
- What issues do you still need help with?
Let’s do our best to shed some light on this difficult subject.
Image by Capture Queen, on Flickr.